The Brands That Own Me

Posted: May 9, 2013 by Dave B. in Customer Service, Life
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amazonapple hiltonstarbucks

I don’t like or trust corporations but I love capitalism. I relentlessly fight against marketing but I ‘believe’ in some brands. Why? The reasons are listed below but the bigger reason is that they have maintained a decent standard of quality while ensuring personalized customer service.

Apple: Their stuff just works and better yet, it all works together. I’m a family man and the fact that our phones, laptop, tablet and TV device all work together and work every time makes me a believer. Call them if you have a problem, they give a shit.

Starbucks: I think the environment inside a Starbucks is nauseating and artificial It’s garbage and I’m almost 100% sure I don’t agree with the founders or workers politically or morally. All that being said, a freshly brewed Pikes Place is the best cup of coffee I can get. I travel so I try local coffee as much as I can. Most every other cup of coffee I have had sucks compared to a Pikes Place. They’re consistent and that’s why large chains dominate. They actually train their employees too, nice touch.

Hilton: First off, the Embassy Suites is smart enough to offer the government rate in every city I go to. Second, they have a free, real breakfast (I’m not talking about those fucking Belgium waffles) and free boos every night; can you beat that? Yes you can. Third, they have a great rewards plan. I earn free stays and status quickly. You got me Conrad Hilton, nicely done.

Amazon: Dear Amazon, you have made it too easy for me to buy exactly what I need anytime. I am a Prime Member; you sold me ‘free’ shipping and other nice benefits. You have reduced my trips to Walmart and department stores by 87%. Thank you. I even own kindles and borrow books for free. On a few occasions I have had to call or chat with you; Hamza, you are now on my Christmas card list.

Someone Died Here

Posted: May 8, 2013 by Dave B. in Life
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This family has problems of their own.

This family has problems of their own.

Sometimes I drive through the country and when I do, I see signs like this but in better English.

They’re funeral home signs asking me to drive slow because someone from a family that lives on this 100 meter part of the road died recently.

I’ll slow down because the sign asked me to.  But why?

Why do grieving people need me to drive slower?

Is it because there are more pedestrians around and we don’t want to add anyone to the party?

Is it because cars aren’t as loud when they are driven slow?

I don’t understand why I need to slow down; but I do.  Rest in Peace.

Ending Hunger One Whippit at a Time

Posted: May 7, 2013 by Dave B. in Health and Fitness, Life
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IMG_5488

At my house we have a tradition, usually reserved for holidays and special occasions, with dessert my kids get a direct blast of tasty whip cream from the can.

I realize that this is a less than healthy exercise, but I deemed it acceptable because we only did it once in a while.

Not anymore!  It’s going to be 2-3 times a week now!

I was very pleased to find out that Americans everywhere can start sucking down canned whipped cream without feeling bad.  That’s right, the world’s most obese nation can now contribute to ending childhood hunger while inhaling aerated whole cream and sugar.

Other participating products include snack packs and canned manwich meat.

So look for the pushpin logo indicating the products where childhood hunger ends and start consuming, our nation’s hungry children will be thankful.

 

For more info:  http://www.childhungerendshere.com/

Thanks to John for the tip.

Maker’s Folly

Posted: February 11, 2013 by Dave B. in Uncategorized
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mark

I try not to comment on trendy topics but this really got my attention.

Maker’s Mark bourbon can’t meet customer demand this year.  What a great deal for the PR guy.  He can do anything with this.  This situation calls for his creative skills to protect the brand and potentially gain some good press about it.

Add water?  Ummm, that’s not exactly what I was thinking.

What a terrible move.  Instead of enjoying customer demand and the press that was generated by the lack of  inventory, Maker’s Mark decided the best course of action was to add water and charge customers the same price for watered down bourbon.

Knob Creek sent T-Shirts to customers during their drought.  Maker’s Mark added water.

Weak.  Probably (I hope) a case of the boss not listening to his PR guy.  Fail.

Read More:

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2013/02/11/171732213/less-potent-makers-mark-not-going-down-smooth-in-kentucky

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/02/11/makers-mark-bourbon/1910773/

 

 

Rudolph Rewritten

Posted: December 23, 2012 by Dave B. in Government
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400px-Santa's_army

Santa prepares to quash the rebellion

I watched Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer tonight.  I was troubled by what I saw.

Rudolph’s dad, Donner, was very dissapointed by his newborn son’s glowing nose.  WTF Donner?  Be proud, your lesson learned later in the story doesn’t make up for it.  Donner, you are a bad reindeer and father.

Donner was upset about his boy because he wasn’t going to make the team with a glowing nose.  You see, Santa has these animals and elves so conditioned that all they think about is serving the institution.  Be loyal, do what you’re told and maybe Santa will be pleased.  That’s the sorry life of reindeer and elves and if they don’t like it they will be gone from Christmas Town.

I’m thinking, “Santa, these beings are free thinking souls with limitless capabilities, sounds like you’re trying to run a plantation.  The end doesn’t always justify the means big guy, set these people free, quit brainwashing them from birth.”

Rudolph and his buddy, Herbie were misfits.  The servant-population outcasted and abused Rudolph and Herbie because the skill set they possessed didn’t fit into what was required for service in the institution. Rudy and his friend were cast off into the blistering arctic winter where they encountered unspeakable things.  Most of it wasn’t shown in this kid’s show but I can only imagine what happened to them.  They somehow survived and grew up in the wild.  When they returned everyone needed Rudolph, and the exact thing he was formerly ridiculed for was coveted.  The sad thing was that Rudolph and friend once again became loyal servants to the master.

A better story for our youth could have been about Rudolph and Herbie freeing themselves of the tyranny whilst in the wild.  Realizing who they were and what they were capable of, realizing that there are possibilities outside of servitude.

My ending:

“Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”

“No Santa, I won’t.  You see, I don’t work for you.  I wasn’t born to serve you or your cause.  Herbie and I built our own sleigh and we’re getting the hell out of this godforsaken town; we’ve got big things to do, things beyond serving you and your gift giving.  Who’s with me?”

At this point it would be cool if some of the other elves and reindeer rose up against the man, especially considering he was looking at canceling Christmas (the gift part at least).

Perhaps a sequel to my movie would be called Santa’s Civil War.

The Best Books I Read in 2012

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The Cat in the Hat also endorses these books

The Cat in the Hat also endorses these books

Who am I to publish a reading list?  GFY

Read/listen to these books and your life will be better (no particular order):

Charlotte’s Web, EB White:  Amazing writing and solid characters.  Read this in two days to remember what real writing can be.

Linchpin, Seth Godin:  Listen or read this on your way to work then tell your boss that things are going to be a little different around here.  Stop doing what everyone tells you and do what’s right.  Applies to work, school and life.

Hunger Games:  Not just for teenage girls.  Read this then notice the horrifying parallels to today.  A ruling party, a buried working class and clueless voters.  Good luck society.  After I read Hunger Games 1-3, I read A Clockwork Orange then Fahrenheit 451.  The Hunger Games is an awakening to the best ‘watch out for government’ books of the century.  1984 is next or maybe Brave New World.

A Way with Words (audio lecture by Dr Michael Drout):  An easy to understand approach to rhetoric and language that could change the way you speak and write.  Communication lessons from the study of language, not from a business book.  High list price but $8 for Audible members.

Thinking Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman:  Never make a decision the same way again.  Every conclusion in this book cites real research.  Completely counterintuitive which tells me that I’ve learned something.

Never Eat Alone, Keith Ferrazzi:  Changed my life, just kidding- this book sucked.  Don’t waste your time.  I’ll summarize it for you: never eat alone, know more people to get more done.  Can I have my $13 back now?

4-Hour Work Week, Tim Ferris:  His thesis is laid out for all the wrong reasons but the lessons are still great.  Harness technology, market and align priorities to make life work for you.  His approach is somewhat self-fulfilling, mine is a bit more altruistic.

How to Win Friends and Influencing People, Dale Carnegie:  I’m predisposed to be candid and short. WFIP is a reminder of how you can act to make people happy and get what you want.  This is an annual read.

Why this post?  Because I can and I believe in customer reviews and word of mouth.

What are the best books you’ve read in 2012?  Comment or at least tell someone.

Aside  —  Posted: December 18, 2012 by Dave B. in Life, Public Affairs, Uncategorized
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The Drip Cap

Posted: December 16, 2012 by Dave B. in Customer Service, Life
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False Advertising

False Advertising

Pancake Saturday. It’s a tradition.

Ahh, how the butter melts into the pancake. Mmm, how the chocolate chips mix with the syrup to make an unstoppable taste team. Oh, and my favorite, the syrup bottle that sticks to the table.

Why advertise a no-drip cap when the cap obviously drips? All the cap does is drip. It’s a drip cap.

Your syrup (and the bottle it comes in) sucks.

Step off my PB&J

Posted: December 11, 2012 by Dave B. in Health and Fitness
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Dream Team

The Dream Team

I got home late from work, my wife was heading out to meet her friends and the kids had to get to bed.  No dinner for me.

No problem.

I whipped out my old standby. America’s Favorite:  Peanut Butter and Jelly….mmmm.

I mentioned it to my buddy the next day and he gave me a rash of shit.  He laughed, “You ate what?”  ”How old are you?”  ”Was it on Wonder Bread?”

Fuck him.

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches are not only good, they’re relatively good for you.

For 2 slices of bread, a serving of peanut butter and one of strawberry jam the nutrition value is:

  • Fat 18g
  • Sat Fat 2.5g
  • Sugar 19g
  • Carbs 46g
  • Protein 13g

Not bad.

I could’ve had a steak at 18.8 g of fat, 7.6 of which is saturated.  I guess that would’ve been manlier?

I could’ve had some pasta if I wanted to suck down 80g of carbs and 24g of fat.  Spare tire time.

How about a nice chicken breast you ask?  Well, the chicken breast blows us away with almost no fat, no carbs and 24g of protein.  The PB&J took me 5 minutes to make though.

All in all a PB&J is tasty, not unhealthy and lightening fast.

Step off bitch.

If you trust me, I’ll trust you

Posted: December 10, 2012 by Dave B. in Customer Service
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LukeYoda

Hylete began making workout gear a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Not really, they’re pretty new.

I bought a Hylete hoodie.  Truth is, I think I’m cool when I wear Hylete gear; at least that’s what my wife says.  You might remember a post about their customer service a few weeks ago, here.

Anyway, the sweatshirt I bought was too small for me.  I emailed customer service and told them.

Elise, the customer service lady, the self-proclaimed Brand Experience Jedi seems to take her job seriously.  We’ve had run-ins before.  Like the time I had trouble creating an account; she took my info and created it for me.  Like the time my shirt was the wrong color, she gave me a new one and didn’t ask for the old one back.

This time Elise answered my email by sending me a shipping slip; she added a personal touch by remembering who I was- I felt special.  Moments later, she credited my account for the replacement sweatshirt.

“But, I haven’t sent it yet,” I thought. “But they haven’t received the sweatshirt and taken several days to process my return.”

They trusted me.  They gave me the money to buy a new sweatshirt before I sent the old one back.

I asked Elise about it. She said, “Our customers have proven to be very trustworthy.”

Of course they have; so has Hylete.

We Really Don’t Know Much

Posted: December 6, 2012 by Dave B. in Uncategorized
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The Universe is vast.  In comparison to what we can see, we know hardly anything.  In comparison to what there is, we can hardly see anything.

Take a minute look at this video of a picture from the Hubble.

Mind bending.

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